Surrender to the outcome

Big events command a lot of our attention. So much so that we tend to form an irrational attachment to their outcomes. We imagine a good outcome to be transformative, lead to validation, praise, wealth; a bad outcome will be catastrophic and bring shame, resentment, exile. This attachment has a negative influence on our minds, only serving to increase anxiety and distract from the task at hand.

I get anxious about big events. I often overhype them. Big trips. Public speaking. Going on dates. One of the ways I’ve been successful at reversing this anxiety is by surrendering to the outcome.

First, determine the source of your anxiety. The reason for your attachment to the outcome. This can be difficult because we are so often not honest with ourselves. Ask yourself: why do I care so much about this outcome? Answer honestly. For me, it’s usually because I want other people to like me, to accept me. I assume that doing well will result in admiration and affection. It’s also because I am afraid of rejection; I don’t want to be laughed at.

It’s crazy to think that most of the anxiety you feel in your life is from something so small. Nevertheless, acceptance and rejection are big drivers for why we do the things we do, and why we are so attached to the outcomes in our lives. To free yourself from this attachment you must choose to accept whatever comes from an event – be it good or bad.

Start by visualizing the best- and worst-case scenarios. Consider a race or a competition. In the best-case scenario, you are a winner. You surpass your colleagues’ and your own expectations. In the worst-case scenario, you are a loser, dead-last. You are embarrassed and socially rejected.

In my experience, neither best- nor worst-case scenarios will change your life dramatically:

• Will your peers see you differently? Not really, those bonds are old and quite strong.
• Will your life change? No, probably not.
• Is anyone going to remember your accomplishments? Maybe, but not as much as you’d like them to.
• What about the bad parts? People usually don’t remember those at all.

You may argue that some events are so big as to result in life-changing outcomes. What if instead of running a local race, you’re competing in the Olympics? The highs and lows from the event’s outcome may stay with you in the short-term, but you will always return to your life’s baseline. Competing in the Olympics will not change your family, your friends, or your identity beyond perhaps wearing something around your neck.

Generally speaking: the good outcomes are never that good; and the bad outcomes are never that bad. You need to accept that either outcome can happen, but that neither outcome will have the impact on your life you’ve imagined.

In fact, I’ll go as far as to say that winning doesn’t matter as much as we think it does. When you attempt a challenge with the aim of winning, your focus is not on performing your best. Your focus is on the outcome. By choosing to accept the outcome, by not fighting against it, you free yourself to be your best version, no longer encumbered by the worry of what might have been.

I am not suggesting that you should not try to win. I am suggesting that winning should not be the end goal. The end goal should be to give it your all. To try your hardest. To release upon the world the might of your unique talents.

Finally, when we surrender to the outcome, the mental and physical resources our bodies dedicate to being anxious and worrying can be reallocated to problem solving and delivering our best. And we return to the calm mind, ready for whatever may come.